Thursday, February 27, 2003
  latenight irreverence

Last night, while staying up to mug math, I watched Gone With The Wind in the hope that it'd keep me awake. Watching it, you wouldn't think they filmed it in the 1930s! Throw in two of film's greatest characters -- Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara (played to perfection by Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh), and you end up with one of my favorite shows :] I swear: if I were a guy, I'd definitely be a Rhett -- that's the way to treat 'em bitches! Love them obsessively, but don't let them know how crazy in love you are; never leave the power in their hands -- keep them wanting more always! If not they'd start trampling all over you and get bored real soon :] But that's just me I suppose!

Totally out of point, as usual. But all the same, math turned out okay despite a pretty inefficient night of cramming. I'm listening to Chinese oldies now. Seriously! I've been at it for a couple of weeks already, and it's great stuff! Chinese jazz is really wonderful... especially when they rework the oldies from the '50s and do it up like "a swirl of smoke from the end of a film noir cigar". A friend came by with a great cd featuring an impossibly ugly cover -- it looked like one of those cheap China productions and the lady on the cover looked a lot like the 'Rafflesian Spirit'. Let's just say the disc hasn't left my stereo since :] Every night, I fall asleep with these beautiful songs wafting in the background and it feels like grandma's house all over again.

Latest haunt: the Adelphi Building next to Funan. Jazz lovers and audiophiles looking for great jazz productions and stereo parts ought to visit! It's heaven :] The people are really well informed and friendly, and the little shops boast the most fabulous selection of music here. Music ranges from big band to Chinese jazz, music for lounge lizards and an assortment of other quirky genres. It's definitely worth a visit!  
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
  whingeing again

I'd the runs last night, and so took a day off school, which logically, ought to be a really good thing seeing how I've had a trying week and some time out was necessary. Revelling in sloth's always evil -- it feels so right while you're at it, but you'll regret it eventually. I spent the day in and out of the bathroom. While I was out of it, I was in bed getting the much needed rest. By mid-afternoon, I'd roused myself out my stupor, only to waste precious time watching rubbish instead of working on integration for the horrible lecture test on Thursday. And now, at 8pm with absolutely no work done and a whole day wasted, I think a panic attack's imminent, and the exhuastion's creeping back in. Frankly, I'm kicking myself for wasting the afternoon and time blogging as it is, but I know that I would've done the same even if time rewound itself. It all boils down to self-discipline which I've yet to find.

Columbia, Columbia, Columbia. 
  much overdue thanks and a random musing

When you're left high and dry, suicidal and depressed, at a complete loss, not knowing where to turn or what to do or where you're headed, what happens?

This is what happens: you take the plunge and ride the next boat to hell. Or somehow, somewhere amidst the sodding mess, relief pops up in the form of a latent, wonderful haven that chooses to reveal itself to you when you've finally reached the limit and giving up tantalises you cruelly. God's grace indeed. Or maybe, great people karma. Penny, thank you very very much.

Do you sometimes feel mortal existence isn't an issue anymore -- that acceptance of death as a rite of passage to a better place quashes any fear of leaving this life? I think in a perverse way, this train of thought actually makes dealing with all the hell life tosses you that much easier. The comfort in the fact that when things get really bad, it's merely a catalyst speeding you up on your way to the ultimate end of living trial. I think we're all put on this earth for us to make peace with ourselves, for God to put us to the test and if He deems worthy, deliver us from evil. The bigger the trials we face, probably the worthier we shall be should we triumph over them. By choosing suicide, I believe you choose the chicken exit, forfeiting your chance to prove yourself, and thereby forfeiting your place in the life to come.  
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
  i can't believe this

Today has been absolutely the unluckiest, most jinxed day of my life. A recap of the day's misfortunes, in chronological order:

1. Chem prac went totally awry. Usually efficient and quick, I a) split the boiling solution all over my hand b) broke a test tube c) used the wrong pipette d) messed up the titration... Yada Yada
2. Discoverd I'd left my big black homework file in the car.
3. Lost my lucky, out-of-stock calculator.
4. Tipped the LT table over 3 times.
5. The only pen I had ran out of ink. And the pen I borrowed too.
6. Killed my mobile.
7. Split my toe cut open again.
8. Microwave exploded into flames (on the inside) while I was microwaving my wanton.
9. In addition to all that, I ache all over thanks to over-stretched body parts and tetanus jabs, and felt horribly sleepy all day.
10. Three new zits have appeared. OUT OF NOWHERE DAMMIT.

What's happening to me??? 
Monday, February 17, 2003
  love!

Is Woofus the miniature schnauzer :] He is in a word, Wonderful. I thought myself an animal-hater, but that's not true at all! I've just been saving up all the affection for darling Woofus, and at long last, he's finally come. Dad walked into the room last Wednesday and went, "Guess who's here?" As I turned around to find the most adorable little thing in the whole world, a bimbotic "ohmygawd" squealed itself and I totally lost it :] Was reduced to a simpering, babytawking ninny and I've not looked back since. He's the friendliest, gentlest, guileless, sweetest li'l bit o' fur. And he's so ... clean!! Whenever I'm out of the house I can't help but think of him, and wish myself back at home cuddling him, talking to him, playing catch with him, tossing him, lying in bed with him... :] If you see him, you'll know why. He's got the most kissable face!! -- bushy eyebrows and lovely lovely soft fur eep! And when he lies sprawled on his tumtum flat as a rug on the floor, you can't resist picking him up and cuddling him all over again. I love love love him!! 
  i swear i've been hexed

Or rather, my right foot is. Now, apart from the weeks of torturous, blistered heels and pustulent carbuncles, and after a week of sprained ankle and toe, just as I've started wearing shoes again I've perforated my third toe by stepping on the damn scotchtape dispenser. I SWEAR SOMEONE'S VOODOOING ME!!! Honestly -- the accursed foot's gone through so much pain I think it won't survive another week (what's next? an amputation??). Went to the hospital after dinner and had the wound stitched up (only removed the plaster after a whole day of school to find blood squirting everywhere ick; shoe's a bloody cesspool). They've applied some awful gentian violet that's left my toe stinging. Back to slippers again shite.  
Saturday, February 15, 2003
  random blog

I have NO idea who this guy is, save the fact that he's a schoolmate, but he's seriously funny!! Haha his blog's totally inane! 
  a new layout

If you'd caught the earlier revamp (the yellow calla lily layout) which lasted all of 7 hours, you probably thought it was too delicate and sweet for someone as raucous as me :] I thought so too! I think this one's much much better. Didn't design it myself, but this is probably as close as it gets to anything I would've designed. I've saved up a few other blogskins which are also pretty (especially this shoe fetish one), but I think this one will last for some time. Lots to say, but it'll have to wait. We're late for something or other, as usual.  
  on flowers

I've developed a sudden penchant for Calla Lilies.

'The Flower People' is a little flower shop along Seah Street, next to Sasha's Bear Company, and is one of my favorite places. They're terribly exhorbitant, but that oughtn't bother me as being female, I don't buy many bouquets :] All the same, I like visiting the shop because it's always cosy and pretty, stuffed with flowers of every color, fragrance and variety imaginable. It's especially gorgeous during Valentine's, where they pull out all the stops and the little shop blossoms into a profusion of color complete with the heady perfume of a veritable Eden. Another reason why I like it so is because their flowers aren't ... puny, for lack of a better word. I like flowers that 'bloom with a boom' :] In other words, I like my flowers big and buxom (you get the picture), as if they blossomed without restraint and went on a healthy soil binge. I believe simple bouquets comprising a few such well-sized flowers are the best sort. Can't stand the overdone, uncoordinated, mismatched bouquets they sell en masse come Valentine's. But, that's not the point.

This year, I spied a beautiful arrangement of the said Calla Lilies. I never liked them much because I found them somewhat funereal and boring and timid -- they're as different from roses (my favorite) as it gets. However, these Calla Lilies were exceptionally well-shaped and sized, and perfectly matched with a very gentle sprinkle of Baby's Breath and tiny buds of palest yellow. The bouquet was wrapped in delicate chiffon and lace, complete with a generous bow of white satin that was a perfect foil for the graceful curve of lily petals. So simple, and so breathtakingly elegant. The ideal bridal bouquet. Lucky girl :] 
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
  for old times' sake

While munching a burger on the drive home today, I was told grandpa was dying of lung cancer. Dad and yeye stopped getting along, as such we've not spoken to or visited him for ages. All the same, it didn't lessen the shock.

I've never experienced a death in the family before, and I've always said death didn't bug me, that I wasn't afraid of it. But true to form, life slaps you in the face by suddenly tossing you into a pool of bitter irony. So today, I realised Death, no, dying is awful. Especially cancer. Not just the physical pain or the steady, relentless countdown that eats away at your soul, the claustrophobia that sets in as the life in you gradually fades away, leaving you with the terrible regret of not living life as you should have; even the most Faithful among us cannot help but feel the heartwrenching reluctance of leaving the ones we love behind. I think that's the hardest part about dying. But it's even worse for the left-behinders who mourn. Does the pain ever go away? Shall the comfort Faith provides suffice?

When told that yeye'd only six months left, the cancer being in its last stages and beyond cure, the initial shock rather numbed all feeling. As memories of the past started resurfacing -- 'working' at his shop in blanco court during the school hols years ago as a prankish brat, all the reunion dinners, birthdays, turtle soups, ginseng, trampolining on his creaky mattresses, generous allowances, hospital visits after his bypasses... the pain started setting in. For the unreasonable, cruel tyrant that the older generation makes him out to be, he's never been anything but an indulgent grandfather. Have you ever noticed how grandparents spoil their grandchildren? It's like all this latent affection that they don't think to shower on their own children comes bubbling out as they soften in old age, manifesting itself in the many delightful treats they shower on the grandkids. I've always held him rather in awe. When I was younger, Dad used to tell stories about his formidable strength of will in the hope of keeping us inspired (you know, the usual it's-in-your-blood bull). One of the many stories included how he quit smoking, in a day. He chainsmoked his way through packets and packets of cigarettes all his life, a quintessential addict. But the day he got out of hospital after his first heart attack, he smoked his last pack of cigarettes, then flushed the lot down the toilet and never smoked ever again. It's been twenty years, but life's cruel and you can't ever run away from your past I guess.

So he'll be gone soon, and I really don't know if a reconcilliation or anything so pleasant's going to take place eventually. Along with tenacity often comes a certain stubborness and pride, which makes forgiving so difficult. Another of life's ironies -- loathe as we are to face facts, sometimes we really are very much like the people we hate and despise. I think in them, we recognise our own faults, and hence are so quick to admonish.

 
Saturday, February 08, 2003
  twisted ... ankle

I've twisted my ankle again! Same reasons as before -- loose shoes and klutzy me. Sharon thought I was fibbing hmf! because I started laughing upon the sudden shock of pain which caused me to collapse on my butt (now happily bruised a magnificent purple) and scrape my palm. Was attempting an infantile backward run you see, when my weak ankle suddenly 'ticked' and before I could formulate a suitable filthgarity I collapsed. It wasn't too bad initially; the swelling and bruising showed only the next morning. It didn't improve after the visit to the osteopath either. In fact, it's gotten worse -- now the pain's travelled to my knee (which feels creaky and fragile like it's about to give way under me each time I attempt to stand). Actually, the whole bone-cracking and foot massage process is highly enjoyable, in a masochistic way :] Love the way he holds the foot oh-so-delicately and cradles it in both palms before he does the ultimate CRRACK and pop! to twist the ankle back into place. It's one of the few times the vulnerable, girly bit o' me totally kicks in and I feel utterly helpless :] I hate the medicinal patches the sinseh's stuck on my ankle though -- they're seriously Stinky and are impossible to remove. Oh well. At least this excuses me from the awful pseudo-Napfa test thing and I get another week in slippers. Life's still good :] 
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
  the best medicine

Life's been good! Life's been great! Life's been unbelievable! (can't remember which poseur rock song that came from)

Indeed :] Having recovered from the flu in time for CNY, I had a blast! despite the muted festive mood and inevitable gloom that comes with a recession. My only grouse: why'd it have to fall on a WEEKEND?? (felt thoroughly cheated) All the same, the houseparty on Sunday had to be the best time I've had in quite a while -- close friends (thanks shoo and esther for coming!!), adorable babies (you HAVE to see baby Drew!!! She's ... indescribably cute! Marble eyes, soft black curls, rosebloom cheek... she looks just like one of em Precious Moments dolls!! I seriously have NEVER seen a babier baby!!), cards and mahjong (not much luck though :P), and FOOD! glorious food! So much for the post-xmas-all-year fast -- the kueh lapis was completely irresisitible. Even Steffie couldn't have abstained :P The down side's that I hadn't time or inclination to do a stitch of work, which means tonnes of catching up argh. My classmates are aliens or something -- completed tutorials (including the S-paper ones!!), aced tests ... you get the idea. I tell you, I should've opted for AC when I'd the chance!

Latest addiction: American Idol.
It's absolutely the BEST Reality program! Even TAR doesn't come close!! I fell off the couch it was so funny -- talk about laughing till you cry; I laughed till I got all asthmatic and breathless and blue in the face. The nerve of some of them!! Best moments: the Enrique impersonator, male Madonna-wannabe, neverending unchained melody, the fag from NY with the slit pants and invisible thong, the pimp from Texas, the xmas tree complete with real fairy lights ... I can't go on anymore I'm laughing too hard!!! Hahaha it's too bad though, now the best bits of the show (i.e. the humiliating Auditions and Judge Dread aka Simon Cowell's witticisms) are over. I stupidly neglected to tape the two hour special on Monday. Do you think they'd sell it on DVD? Well, for now my money's on Candice Coleman :] She's got a healthy sense of humor, at least.

Go catch it! Thursdays, 730pm.  



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Name
Natalie Koh
Music
Jazz, oldies, R&B, anthemic rock, husky voices, baritones, solid base
Movies
'50s oldies, epics with great soundtracks, weepies
TV
CSI, Sex and the City, Oprah, David Letterman
Cartoons
Patrick Star and Daria