Monday, March 31, 2003
moving day
After a fair bit of hesitation, I've decided to move. I'll miss this blog loads, but felt a change was apt to commemorate my 18th birthday :] I daresay it'll take a bit of getting used to, having worked with festering for over a year. Anyway, dirty laundry's comin' up, so change ya links!
After a fair bit of hesitation, I've decided to move. I'll miss this blog loads, but felt a change was apt to commemorate my 18th birthday :] I daresay it'll take a bit of getting used to, having worked with festering for over a year. Anyway, dirty laundry's comin' up, so change ya links!
Sunday, March 30, 2003
random associations
Hm. 'I need a girl' by usher and p diddy was something I really liked. However, in light of certain events that happened during the time it aired, each time I listen to it (like now) a creepy slimey crawley feeling worms its way round my shoulders and I squirm involuntarily. Among other things, it calls to mind the jammed morning drive to school, with me half-asleep in the car screening my mobile for overnight smses. And the scent of a certain someone. Cringe.
Ooh! Just caught the vanilla coke commercial. Featuring ... let's see, lookalikes of justin timberlake and al pacino. I like!
Hm. 'I need a girl' by usher and p diddy was something I really liked. However, in light of certain events that happened during the time it aired, each time I listen to it (like now) a creepy slimey crawley feeling worms its way round my shoulders and I squirm involuntarily. Among other things, it calls to mind the jammed morning drive to school, with me half-asleep in the car screening my mobile for overnight smses. And the scent of a certain someone. Cringe.
Ooh! Just caught the vanilla coke commercial. Featuring ... let's see, lookalikes of justin timberlake and al pacino. I like!
Saturday, March 29, 2003
recruit ME baby
So dad's not that paranoid after all :] We went to catch sneaks for The Recruit today, and apart from blocking off the aisle seats, mom and dad didn't take any other precautionary measures against sars (no masks etc phew). Anyway, imagine an alpha-alpha male god caught somewhere between Russell Crowe and Brad Pitt and you get ... COLIN FARRELL!!! Gruff, abbed, dirrty and stubbled, HE IS HOT!!! I'm definitely watching this one again :P~ Woohoo!
So dad's not that paranoid after all :] We went to catch sneaks for The Recruit today, and apart from blocking off the aisle seats, mom and dad didn't take any other precautionary measures against sars (no masks etc phew). Anyway, imagine an alpha-alpha male god caught somewhere between Russell Crowe and Brad Pitt and you get ... COLIN FARRELL!!! Gruff, abbed, dirrty and stubbled, HE IS HOT!!! I'm definitely watching this one again :P~ Woohoo!
Friday, March 28, 2003
lazy days
My family's definitely one of the more paranoid ones regarding the sars outbreak -- we've stocked up on enough dry goods and staples to last a month at least (kitchen's spilling over with FOOD). The reason being, dad anticipates a closure of public places including markets, and thus a possible food shortage. Personally, I never expected my father (who doesn't give a fig usually) to get all serious about this (I guess because this time it's hit close to home). I think it's also those sms rumours floating around that're making everyone edgy. He's placed all of us (including mom) under house arrest -- no movies, no shopping, no library visits. Funny, but I don't feel angsty or fed up, not much. It's rather amusing actually, and staying at home's been quite wonderful :] Sufficient sleep for once, and yesterday I watched Amelie, which I love (especially the scene where she runs back out the door and into him -- yay!). Am reading philip pullman's dark materials trilogy, which honestly doesn't seem promising (hello? armored bears?). We've also been roasting chickens, and surprisingly given my disasterous culinary history, they've turned out superb (uber moist and succulent!). In fact, they taste better than Boon Tong Kee, in my biased opinion. I had absolutely no idea how to roast a chicken, so we ended up improvising (utilised a cake tin in our attempts :P). We've got a project presentation at YMCA tomorrow, and thanks to sars I don't have to take the bus :] Thank God for small mercies!
My family's definitely one of the more paranoid ones regarding the sars outbreak -- we've stocked up on enough dry goods and staples to last a month at least (kitchen's spilling over with FOOD). The reason being, dad anticipates a closure of public places including markets, and thus a possible food shortage. Personally, I never expected my father (who doesn't give a fig usually) to get all serious about this (I guess because this time it's hit close to home). I think it's also those sms rumours floating around that're making everyone edgy. He's placed all of us (including mom) under house arrest -- no movies, no shopping, no library visits. Funny, but I don't feel angsty or fed up, not much. It's rather amusing actually, and staying at home's been quite wonderful :] Sufficient sleep for once, and yesterday I watched Amelie, which I love (especially the scene where she runs back out the door and into him -- yay!). Am reading philip pullman's dark materials trilogy, which honestly doesn't seem promising (hello? armored bears?). We've also been roasting chickens, and surprisingly given my disasterous culinary history, they've turned out superb (uber moist and succulent!). In fact, they taste better than Boon Tong Kee, in my biased opinion. I had absolutely no idea how to roast a chicken, so we ended up improvising (utilised a cake tin in our attempts :P). We've got a project presentation at YMCA tomorrow, and thanks to sars I don't have to take the bus :] Thank God for small mercies!
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
don't bother reading this
I am mightily embarassed about my previous ambivalence regarding Iraq and SARS, especially after a stirring discussion at church and the fact that a close relative's down with the bloody virus that just won't let up. I keep vacillating (thanks esther :]) between being pro-war and anti -- Each time I think of the WMD that Saddam might be in possession of and the oppressed people under that horrendous Iraqi regime, I am immediately recalled to the fact that these are the same women and children being sacrificed in the line of fire and the many lives that are wasted on what seems increasingly like a quest to sate US vengeance and pride. Just the other day I listened as the wife of a US Marine tearfully made her impassioned stand on BBC -- "I did not sacrifice my husband for oil... but for a worthier cause, for the good of this world, for the future of my child." After which, I felt guilty for thinking of Bush's likely alternative agenda, when there are hundreds of thousands of parents and wives sacrificing their loved ones for this alleged cause.
However along with the continuing bloodshed and impeded progress of the war, goes my conviction that we ought to rid the world of Saddam and the threat he poses to world peace. The detriments of the war and its repurcussions seem to outweigh its purported benefits. I could go on about them gp-essay fashion, but I believe the one glaring evil's that this war is illegal. By proceeding with this attack on Iraq, America will undoubtedly confound the UN and ICJ with word games regarding minute technicalities (right to self-defence blah blah) but one thing's for sure -- America did act without the UN and without full Allied support (though that leads to another argument -- if Chirac had kept his big mouth shut and gone along with it, we might ironically have avoided war in the first place since Saddam might've been cowed into allowing UN inspection). But inevitably, we all know that despite the opposition America faces regarding this war, these facts will surely be under rug swept given America's status as sole superpower. The thing is, in trying to ensure worldpeace USA-style, they have in fact undermined the very institution that governs it. This world is not run by snobby Aryanesque capitalists (who can't even handle their native tongue properly), nor should it face nuclear annihilation by a trigger-happy tyrant.
Reverting back to my orginal pacifist inclinations, I somewhat feel that perhaps a more prudent course would have been to settle for a forced disarmament in Iraq sanctioned by the UN brought about by cohesive implementation by ALL countries in the security council. If a united front had been presented to Saddam and sufficient pressure applied, I believe he would have had no recourse. In addition, it would've been a show of strength and intimidation to future Saddam/Osama-wannabes. Had all peaceful alternatives been exhausted? I think Bush should have held back a few weeks more, leave the talking to anybody other than Rumsfeld; he certainly should have hired a new PR team, and Chirac ought to learn the merits of a stiff upper lip.
Now America faces the humiliating possibility of engaging in a longdrawn, more difficult war than it anticipated. Should they show even the slightest hint of failure, not only would they shrivel with embarassment (think Vietnam), but the world as we know it would be thrown into chaos, with terrorist cells and stupid upstarts thinking they can bomb the world, get away with it, and brainwash and cow everybody into following their school of thought. Hello there IS A GOD and it ain't the one you're worshipping five times a day. This is NOT an attack on Islam, but a rant by someone disgusted with the atrocities some muslim extremists have committed to women and children in the name of their God. No religion encourages violence. No religion demands the savage rape and oppression and tyranny these crazed terrorists have displayed. May your God deliver you from your evil and from someone infinitely less forgiving, damn you to hell.
I am mightily embarassed about my previous ambivalence regarding Iraq and SARS, especially after a stirring discussion at church and the fact that a close relative's down with the bloody virus that just won't let up. I keep vacillating (thanks esther :]) between being pro-war and anti -- Each time I think of the WMD that Saddam might be in possession of and the oppressed people under that horrendous Iraqi regime, I am immediately recalled to the fact that these are the same women and children being sacrificed in the line of fire and the many lives that are wasted on what seems increasingly like a quest to sate US vengeance and pride. Just the other day I listened as the wife of a US Marine tearfully made her impassioned stand on BBC -- "I did not sacrifice my husband for oil... but for a worthier cause, for the good of this world, for the future of my child." After which, I felt guilty for thinking of Bush's likely alternative agenda, when there are hundreds of thousands of parents and wives sacrificing their loved ones for this alleged cause.
However along with the continuing bloodshed and impeded progress of the war, goes my conviction that we ought to rid the world of Saddam and the threat he poses to world peace. The detriments of the war and its repurcussions seem to outweigh its purported benefits. I could go on about them gp-essay fashion, but I believe the one glaring evil's that this war is illegal. By proceeding with this attack on Iraq, America will undoubtedly confound the UN and ICJ with word games regarding minute technicalities (right to self-defence blah blah) but one thing's for sure -- America did act without the UN and without full Allied support (though that leads to another argument -- if Chirac had kept his big mouth shut and gone along with it, we might ironically have avoided war in the first place since Saddam might've been cowed into allowing UN inspection). But inevitably, we all know that despite the opposition America faces regarding this war, these facts will surely be under rug swept given America's status as sole superpower. The thing is, in trying to ensure worldpeace USA-style, they have in fact undermined the very institution that governs it. This world is not run by snobby Aryanesque capitalists (who can't even handle their native tongue properly), nor should it face nuclear annihilation by a trigger-happy tyrant.
Reverting back to my orginal pacifist inclinations, I somewhat feel that perhaps a more prudent course would have been to settle for a forced disarmament in Iraq sanctioned by the UN brought about by cohesive implementation by ALL countries in the security council. If a united front had been presented to Saddam and sufficient pressure applied, I believe he would have had no recourse. In addition, it would've been a show of strength and intimidation to future Saddam/Osama-wannabes. Had all peaceful alternatives been exhausted? I think Bush should have held back a few weeks more, leave the talking to anybody other than Rumsfeld; he certainly should have hired a new PR team, and Chirac ought to learn the merits of a stiff upper lip.
Now America faces the humiliating possibility of engaging in a longdrawn, more difficult war than it anticipated. Should they show even the slightest hint of failure, not only would they shrivel with embarassment (think Vietnam), but the world as we know it would be thrown into chaos, with terrorist cells and stupid upstarts thinking they can bomb the world, get away with it, and brainwash and cow everybody into following their school of thought. Hello there IS A GOD and it ain't the one you're worshipping five times a day. This is NOT an attack on Islam, but a rant by someone disgusted with the atrocities some muslim extremists have committed to women and children in the name of their God. No religion encourages violence. No religion demands the savage rape and oppression and tyranny these crazed terrorists have displayed. May your God deliver you from your evil and from someone infinitely less forgiving, damn you to hell.
Saturday, March 22, 2003
wake me up!
Didn't like the somewhat whiney lead singer at first, but after being blitzed by the recent radio overexposure, Evanescence has started to strike a chord. Always liked the lyrics though -- fairly cryogenic. That, and Paul McCoy's macho rawwwr :]
wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
bring me to life
Didn't like the somewhat whiney lead singer at first, but after being blitzed by the recent radio overexposure, Evanescence has started to strike a chord. Always liked the lyrics though -- fairly cryogenic. That, and Paul McCoy's macho rawwwr :]
wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become
bring me to life
Friday, March 21, 2003
arf arf! *barf*
Today while engaging Operation CLEAN UP THE BLOODY BEDROOM, I decided on a whim to drag Woofy along with me -- think it was the dog perfume that did it (Seriously Intoxicating stuff). So scooping up darling Woofy, I spent a good half hour on the bed cuddling and tickling him, trying to get him to giggle. When Woofy giggles, he makes these adorable little yelping noises and his arms and legs start to convulse as if he's having a laughing fit. Anyway, after wasting precious time having fun with him (salacious grin :P)I finally roused myself out of bed and tidied up the bloody bedroom. Cleaning up is somewhat cathartic, and nothing's more conducive for mugging than a clean desk with neatly arranged files and notes (better late than never aye). Having left Woofy to his own devices, I settled down to mug chemistry, when an awful stench made its way to my side of the room. No, it wasn't Woof�s poo. Twas canine vomit (feel nauseous just typing it all out now). He'd barfed all over my ugly pompoms. Guess all that rolling about had gotten to him; or maybe it was the pompoms (Seriously Hideous stuff). I've seriously never seen a dog throw up -- do they do that?? Or is Woofy abnormal? Anyway, we'll be taking him to the vet later on, which I think is totally unnecessary, as he's just as yappy and jumpy as ever (definitely the pompoms). Meanwhile, chem remains half-baked, likewise math, bio and physics.
Today while engaging Operation CLEAN UP THE BLOODY BEDROOM, I decided on a whim to drag Woofy along with me -- think it was the dog perfume that did it (Seriously Intoxicating stuff). So scooping up darling Woofy, I spent a good half hour on the bed cuddling and tickling him, trying to get him to giggle. When Woofy giggles, he makes these adorable little yelping noises and his arms and legs start to convulse as if he's having a laughing fit. Anyway, after wasting precious time having fun with him (salacious grin :P)I finally roused myself out of bed and tidied up the bloody bedroom. Cleaning up is somewhat cathartic, and nothing's more conducive for mugging than a clean desk with neatly arranged files and notes (better late than never aye). Having left Woofy to his own devices, I settled down to mug chemistry, when an awful stench made its way to my side of the room. No, it wasn't Woof�s poo. Twas canine vomit (feel nauseous just typing it all out now). He'd barfed all over my ugly pompoms. Guess all that rolling about had gotten to him; or maybe it was the pompoms (Seriously Hideous stuff). I've seriously never seen a dog throw up -- do they do that?? Or is Woofy abnormal? Anyway, we'll be taking him to the vet later on, which I think is totally unnecessary, as he's just as yappy and jumpy as ever (definitely the pompoms). Meanwhile, chem remains half-baked, likewise math, bio and physics.
Thursday, March 20, 2003
get it on already
So the CNN stake-out proved to be a nasty waste of precious time. Spent an hour plus awaiting the momentus Declaration of War, but was thoroughly short-changed by Bush's anti-climactical address, and whimpery 2-scud missile start of the Gulf attack. It feels rather like the kungfu movies, where the fighters circle each other as music and tension build up in the background, eventually hitting a crescendo as one party fires first. Guess the blitz hasn't really begun. Despite my usual ambivalence/pacifist tendencies, I now feel, somewhat, that war with Saddam 'let me at him, that sorry li'l son of a Bush' Hussein is inevitable. See Blair's address above. (Hey, I SO have not been brainwashed :P) I shudder at the thought of a smallpox/bubonic plague revival... Oh and, free the oppressed Iraqi women and children!
So the CNN stake-out proved to be a nasty waste of precious time. Spent an hour plus awaiting the momentus Declaration of War, but was thoroughly short-changed by Bush's anti-climactical address, and whimpery 2-scud missile start of the Gulf attack. It feels rather like the kungfu movies, where the fighters circle each other as music and tension build up in the background, eventually hitting a crescendo as one party fires first. Guess the blitz hasn't really begun. Despite my usual ambivalence/pacifist tendencies, I now feel, somewhat, that war with Saddam 'let me at him, that sorry li'l son of a Bush' Hussein is inevitable. See Blair's address above. (Hey, I SO have not been brainwashed :P) I shudder at the thought of a smallpox/bubonic plague revival... Oh and, free the oppressed Iraqi women and children!
a great speech
Tony Blair's Address to the parliament on Tuesday was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. It summarises so cogently the pertinent issues at hand, stringing together all the facts and fitting in eloquent punchlines in a perfectly delivered, thoroughly convincing speech. I always thought Blair a great public speaker, but he's definitely nailed it with this one.
"...The truth is our patience should have been exhausted weeks and months and years ago. Even now, when if the world united and gave him an ultimatum: comply or face forcible disarmament, he might just do it, the world hesitates and in that hesitation he senses the weakness and therefore continues to defy.
What would any tyrannical regime possessing WMD think viewing the history of the world's diplomatic dance with Saddam? That our capacity to pass firm resolutions is only matched by our feebleness in implementing them.
...And if this House now demands that at this moment, faced with this threat from this regime, that British troops are pulled back, that we turn away at the point of reckoning, and that is what it means -- what then?
What will Saddam feel? Strengthened beyond measure. What will the other states who tyrannise their people, the terrorists who threaten our existence, what will they take from that? That the will confronting them is decaying and feeble.
Who will celebrate and who will weep?"
-- Tony Blair, 18 March 2003
Tony Blair's Address to the parliament on Tuesday was ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. It summarises so cogently the pertinent issues at hand, stringing together all the facts and fitting in eloquent punchlines in a perfectly delivered, thoroughly convincing speech. I always thought Blair a great public speaker, but he's definitely nailed it with this one.
"...The truth is our patience should have been exhausted weeks and months and years ago. Even now, when if the world united and gave him an ultimatum: comply or face forcible disarmament, he might just do it, the world hesitates and in that hesitation he senses the weakness and therefore continues to defy.
What would any tyrannical regime possessing WMD think viewing the history of the world's diplomatic dance with Saddam? That our capacity to pass firm resolutions is only matched by our feebleness in implementing them.
...And if this House now demands that at this moment, faced with this threat from this regime, that British troops are pulled back, that we turn away at the point of reckoning, and that is what it means -- what then?
What will Saddam feel? Strengthened beyond measure. What will the other states who tyrannise their people, the terrorists who threaten our existence, what will they take from that? That the will confronting them is decaying and feeble.
Who will celebrate and who will weep?"
-- Tony Blair, 18 March 2003
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
bump of chicken
ROCKS! They're a j-rock band -- and no, I swear I ain't one of 'em J-anything fanatics. Thoroughly regretted choosing Japanese over French for 3rd lang :P All the same, Bump Of Chicken is bloody fantastic!! I get high just listening to them jam -- great songs, great vocals, rockin' bass. In a word, WOW. (especially theTentai Kansoku single) Check them out!
ROCKS! They're a j-rock band -- and no, I swear I ain't one of 'em J-anything fanatics. Thoroughly regretted choosing Japanese over French for 3rd lang :P All the same, Bump Of Chicken is bloody fantastic!! I get high just listening to them jam -- great songs, great vocals, rockin' bass. In a word, WOW. (especially theTentai Kansoku single) Check them out!
Saturday, March 15, 2003
moving on
Cheerleading's finally over!! -- tinge of regret we didn't get placed, despite all the practices etc, but am very glad on the whole with everything (acquitted ourselves none too badly I think :]) We gave our all and got most of it back, so I guess it's as good as it gets! The experience was one of a kind, loads of fun, and more than anything, the time spent working as a team was worth it (blast 'em common tests!). 'Guys are WEIRD' hypothesis reaffirmed -- amazing de-stressing/psyching up techniques (whoa baby) :P I felt awful about missing most of the Marche dinner thingie, but I couldn't NOT go for the gig at Harry's (apologies!).
Next on the agenda: Selling out 3000 books in 3 days. With common tests in a week's time.Talk about royal screwage.
Oh well, "blast 'em common tests!"
Cheerleading's finally over!! -- tinge of regret we didn't get placed, despite all the practices etc, but am very glad on the whole with everything (acquitted ourselves none too badly I think :]) We gave our all and got most of it back, so I guess it's as good as it gets! The experience was one of a kind, loads of fun, and more than anything, the time spent working as a team was worth it (blast 'em common tests!). 'Guys are WEIRD' hypothesis reaffirmed -- amazing de-stressing/psyching up techniques (whoa baby) :P I felt awful about missing most of the Marche dinner thingie, but I couldn't NOT go for the gig at Harry's (apologies!).
Next on the agenda: Selling out 3000 books in 3 days. With common tests in a week's time.Talk about royal screwage.
Oh well, "blast 'em common tests!"
Thursday, March 13, 2003
crying jag
It hurts horribly.
Why's it so painful this time round?? I should never have posted the picture up. Each time I see it, I remember how upset and lost she was and imagine the betrayal she must've felt and I feel horrible. Bawled while talking to Yati (the other Indonesian) who confided how innocent and unworldly Mulus was. When mom told her about the inevitable shopping trip she bestows upon all the homeward bound, and asked if there was anything in particular she wanted to buy, all Mulus asked for was to go to the neighborhood shopping centre with Yati one last time. When mom refused to believe that something so simple could be it and dragged her to town anyway, all Mulus bought, apart from the few dresses and dolls for her daughter, was food, food and MORE food -- all the types of junkfood we munched on at home, as she, yati and myself spent evenings alone together watching some silly Bollywood production on central (which she found hilarious). Couldn't help crying when told the very first things she asked to buy were Cheezels and Pringles. I just felt awful, realizing over and over the brutal shock she must have been faced with. How cruel can you get to someone so simple? This is how cruel: by telling her at 5 in the evening she's leaving first thing the next morning on the 1230 flight out of town, because you've already found a replacement and she's no longer needed. By tossing her away like an old shoe.
Just last Friday the three of us'd stayed up to make pompoms for the competition on Saturday, over coffee and crackers.
It hurts horribly.
Why's it so painful this time round?? I should never have posted the picture up. Each time I see it, I remember how upset and lost she was and imagine the betrayal she must've felt and I feel horrible. Bawled while talking to Yati (the other Indonesian) who confided how innocent and unworldly Mulus was. When mom told her about the inevitable shopping trip she bestows upon all the homeward bound, and asked if there was anything in particular she wanted to buy, all Mulus asked for was to go to the neighborhood shopping centre with Yati one last time. When mom refused to believe that something so simple could be it and dragged her to town anyway, all Mulus bought, apart from the few dresses and dolls for her daughter, was food, food and MORE food -- all the types of junkfood we munched on at home, as she, yati and myself spent evenings alone together watching some silly Bollywood production on central (which she found hilarious). Couldn't help crying when told the very first things she asked to buy were Cheezels and Pringles. I just felt awful, realizing over and over the brutal shock she must have been faced with. How cruel can you get to someone so simple? This is how cruel: by telling her at 5 in the evening she's leaving first thing the next morning on the 1230 flight out of town, because you've already found a replacement and she's no longer needed. By tossing her away like an old shoe.
Just last Friday the three of us'd stayed up to make pompoms for the competition on Saturday, over coffee and crackers.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
good evening heartache
For the first time in ages, I was able to enjoy a luxurious evening of uninterrupted napping. Totally drained by GP in the afternoon, I plonked myself down on the sofa out in the patio after picking Woofus up from the hairdresser, and before I could cry, fell into deep slumber, veritably comatose. The air was splendid -- wonderfully cool and clear, thanks to the timely downpour earlier in the day, unlike the sticky humid crap we're usually stuck with. I could actually feel my cramped muscles relaxing and unknotting themselves, and the wonderful tingly sensation of tension dispersing made its way from my temples all the way down my toes.
When I finally roused myself to a garden suffused by a gorgeous orange-red evening sky, realisation that Mulus was leaving for good rushed in all at once and the heaviness that had somehow remined in the background of my subconcious, but which had failed to register itself during the general anesthesia, hammered down so hard my heart ached. So I know tomorrow, I shall weep the unshed tears hidden behind today's encouraging grin. I shan't even get to see her off, or tell her last minute goodbyes, or warn her not to get swindled by evil bus drivers in the hellhole that is Jakarta. She's so innocent and guileless and simple and childlike and kind, it's hard not to feel protective over someone so sweetly kampong. I don't think I shall forget her childish whimper and tear-stained face, so obviously hurt by the abruptness of the dismissal, soon. I hate myself for always being so blindly self-absorbed and unappreciative. But as with all things, we all get justly punished in the end anyway, and I think I've been dealt my share of that.
Mulus, on the left.
For the first time in ages, I was able to enjoy a luxurious evening of uninterrupted napping. Totally drained by GP in the afternoon, I plonked myself down on the sofa out in the patio after picking Woofus up from the hairdresser, and before I could cry, fell into deep slumber, veritably comatose. The air was splendid -- wonderfully cool and clear, thanks to the timely downpour earlier in the day, unlike the sticky humid crap we're usually stuck with. I could actually feel my cramped muscles relaxing and unknotting themselves, and the wonderful tingly sensation of tension dispersing made its way from my temples all the way down my toes.
When I finally roused myself to a garden suffused by a gorgeous orange-red evening sky, realisation that Mulus was leaving for good rushed in all at once and the heaviness that had somehow remined in the background of my subconcious, but which had failed to register itself during the general anesthesia, hammered down so hard my heart ached. So I know tomorrow, I shall weep the unshed tears hidden behind today's encouraging grin. I shan't even get to see her off, or tell her last minute goodbyes, or warn her not to get swindled by evil bus drivers in the hellhole that is Jakarta. She's so innocent and guileless and simple and childlike and kind, it's hard not to feel protective over someone so sweetly kampong. I don't think I shall forget her childish whimper and tear-stained face, so obviously hurt by the abruptness of the dismissal, soon. I hate myself for always being so blindly self-absorbed and unappreciative. But as with all things, we all get justly punished in the end anyway, and I think I've been dealt my share of that.
Mulus, on the left.
Tuesday, March 11, 2003
a wallflower (or not)
Sometimes, I think I'm really bad with people. "Aloof" isn't probably something friends would think of if asked to describe me. Far from it -- words like 'loud' and 'cranky' probably come closer. But around strangers, when I get tossed into a new pool of people, I think I sometimes get shoved into off-mode. Especially when these people are people I don't feel I can relate to. It's a really nasty feeling, being stuck behind the impermeable barrier of aloofness I put up to avoid having to expose my discomfort. It probably makes these people think I'm an ice queen bitch or something like that but I've figured I can't help it. It's an innate lack of self-confidence I think, not supreme arrogance or anything half so grande. I fear not being able to say anything proper, or that stuff I say would turn these people off. But the funny thing is, this whole being a wallflower thing doesn't happen all the time. Don't know why really -- I think it only happens on days I feel particularly self-conscious. I've not exactly figured it out yet. But I realise that the older I get, the frequency of such aloof wallflowering increases, and it's definitely not a good thing. Because sooner or later, I'll thaw and go totally bonkers :] And invariably, these people (if they hang around long enough or don't get pissed off too soon) will say they'd always thought I'd been an arrogant prick. Just so you know: i'm NOT!
Sometimes, I think I'm really bad with people. "Aloof" isn't probably something friends would think of if asked to describe me. Far from it -- words like 'loud' and 'cranky' probably come closer. But around strangers, when I get tossed into a new pool of people, I think I sometimes get shoved into off-mode. Especially when these people are people I don't feel I can relate to. It's a really nasty feeling, being stuck behind the impermeable barrier of aloofness I put up to avoid having to expose my discomfort. It probably makes these people think I'm an ice queen bitch or something like that but I've figured I can't help it. It's an innate lack of self-confidence I think, not supreme arrogance or anything half so grande. I fear not being able to say anything proper, or that stuff I say would turn these people off. But the funny thing is, this whole being a wallflower thing doesn't happen all the time. Don't know why really -- I think it only happens on days I feel particularly self-conscious. I've not exactly figured it out yet. But I realise that the older I get, the frequency of such aloof wallflowering increases, and it's definitely not a good thing. Because sooner or later, I'll thaw and go totally bonkers :] And invariably, these people (if they hang around long enough or don't get pissed off too soon) will say they'd always thought I'd been an arrogant prick. Just so you know: i'm NOT!
tuesday breaks
I love Tuesday breaks -- it's the only break I have in common with old friends :] And even better, it's chockful of EYE CANDY!! Actually, it ain't that big a deal, but you know what it's like when girls get together with nothing better to do :] We engage in all manner of braindead activities! Which of course includes bitchfests and boywatches, though all in good fun :] It never amounts to anything (like candyfloss) but somehow, it just makes Tuesdays a little more bearable.
Tuesdays, I've realised, are the turning point in my week. Once over, the week just flies by and before I can finish whinging about undone tutorials/assignments/essays/tests/pracs etcetc, the next Tuesday comes along. I hate hate Tuesdays. Apart from the fact that school ends late, we've got nasty bioprac to slog through. Hell, looking through a microscope's totally pointless when you can't make out what on earth you're looking at. Even worse, can't find the damn eosinophile/mast cell/glomerulus rubbish you're supposed to draw. I get a headache just squinting at the blurry eyepiece trying to focus my slide. Practically all the bio drawings I've ever done are highly imaginative artistic impressions -- "err.. I think I'll just add a granular nucleus here and a few more elastin fibres there to enhance the effect... ooh! looks like the cilia need to be more concentrated... aha! a squamous epithelium ought to do the trick!.. argh! the cytoplasm's sposed to be clear!! now I've got to erase all em granules!.." and you get the idea. Bugger. But the good thing about bio I suppose, is that they can't really mark you entirely wrong no matter what you do, since all cells are different anyway. I guess the trick is to memorize what they're supposed to look like and learn how to replicate them without having to find them on the slide durh :]
You know, I've just realised other than bio muggers, nobody'd understand the aforementioned jargon. I guess I really have picked up a thing or two being in medfac huh :]
I love Tuesday breaks -- it's the only break I have in common with old friends :] And even better, it's chockful of EYE CANDY!! Actually, it ain't that big a deal, but you know what it's like when girls get together with nothing better to do :] We engage in all manner of braindead activities! Which of course includes bitchfests and boywatches, though all in good fun :] It never amounts to anything (like candyfloss) but somehow, it just makes Tuesdays a little more bearable.
Tuesdays, I've realised, are the turning point in my week. Once over, the week just flies by and before I can finish whinging about undone tutorials/assignments/essays/tests/pracs etcetc, the next Tuesday comes along. I hate hate Tuesdays. Apart from the fact that school ends late, we've got nasty bioprac to slog through. Hell, looking through a microscope's totally pointless when you can't make out what on earth you're looking at. Even worse, can't find the damn eosinophile/mast cell/glomerulus rubbish you're supposed to draw. I get a headache just squinting at the blurry eyepiece trying to focus my slide. Practically all the bio drawings I've ever done are highly imaginative artistic impressions -- "err.. I think I'll just add a granular nucleus here and a few more elastin fibres there to enhance the effect... ooh! looks like the cilia need to be more concentrated... aha! a squamous epithelium ought to do the trick!.. argh! the cytoplasm's sposed to be clear!! now I've got to erase all em granules!.." and you get the idea. Bugger. But the good thing about bio I suppose, is that they can't really mark you entirely wrong no matter what you do, since all cells are different anyway. I guess the trick is to memorize what they're supposed to look like and learn how to replicate them without having to find them on the slide durh :]
You know, I've just realised other than bio muggers, nobody'd understand the aforementioned jargon. I guess I really have picked up a thing or two being in medfac huh :]
Saturday, March 08, 2003
prioritising
And... we're through!!
Come on down next Saturday, 1.30pm, Suntec! We've made it through to the national finals :] Cheerleading that is. Was ecstatic when we were announced as I'd totally flubbed the last 2 counts of the dance (pompom collision and temporary amnesia) and told myself I'd DIE OF GUILT if we didn't make it through. The last two weeks have been crazy -- no time for homework, music, blogging.. nothing save cheerprac. Which is rather dumb, considering how common tests are in two weeks!!! HELP ME SOMEBODY.
All the same, I think it's amazing how the guys are so completely tolerant and involved in the whole stereotypically girly affair. I assure you, it's so much more than booty-shaking and pompoms. REAL cheerleading's as physically demanding as well, canoeing for that matter. Both for the guys and the girls. Just take a look at the stunts and stuff -- considering how we'd put together everything in just two weeks what other teams take months/years to perfect is a miracle in itself. We're really lucky all 13 guys involved are so dedicated -- despite the common tests, they train and piah as hard as any of us, sometimes staying till 11plus to toss girls and dance and do humptys and extensions and supermans and elevators etcetc. Can you imagine how dog-tiring doing all that is?? And even working through the night? So much for girly. Thank you all so much! We totally worked our asses off out there and I'm so so glad we're through :]
Am off now to mug. Honestly, no matter how screwed my priorities seem, I felt that getting totally involved with something again's really important; you don't get to do stuff like this anymore once out of school. Sides, who can resist a sport comprising "dance, gymnastics, and short skirts"? :] I couldn't. So there!
And... we're through!!
Come on down next Saturday, 1.30pm, Suntec! We've made it through to the national finals :] Cheerleading that is. Was ecstatic when we were announced as I'd totally flubbed the last 2 counts of the dance (pompom collision and temporary amnesia) and told myself I'd DIE OF GUILT if we didn't make it through. The last two weeks have been crazy -- no time for homework, music, blogging.. nothing save cheerprac. Which is rather dumb, considering how common tests are in two weeks!!! HELP ME SOMEBODY.
All the same, I think it's amazing how the guys are so completely tolerant and involved in the whole stereotypically girly affair. I assure you, it's so much more than booty-shaking and pompoms. REAL cheerleading's as physically demanding as well, canoeing for that matter. Both for the guys and the girls. Just take a look at the stunts and stuff -- considering how we'd put together everything in just two weeks what other teams take months/years to perfect is a miracle in itself. We're really lucky all 13 guys involved are so dedicated -- despite the common tests, they train and piah as hard as any of us, sometimes staying till 11plus to toss girls and dance and do humptys and extensions and supermans and elevators etcetc. Can you imagine how dog-tiring doing all that is?? And even working through the night? So much for girly. Thank you all so much! We totally worked our asses off out there and I'm so so glad we're through :]
Am off now to mug. Honestly, no matter how screwed my priorities seem, I felt that getting totally involved with something again's really important; you don't get to do stuff like this anymore once out of school. Sides, who can resist a sport comprising "dance, gymnastics, and short skirts"? :] I couldn't. So there!
